Homes of Love and Grace

 

I have been reflecting lately about the places I have lived in since my divorce at 40. That is a period of just under 30 years. I have stayed in five different homes.

This verse in Hebrews three verse four says Every house is built by someone, but God is the Designer and Builder of all things. (The Passion Translation)

Isaiah 32 verse eighteen states Then my people will live in a peaceful surrounding, and in secure dwellings and in undisturbed resting places. (Amplified version)

The most important value for me is safety and ensuring that I feel safe. The second has always been affordability. The size has depended on how many of us need to live in the home. Why am I writing about this, you may ask. I want to share the goodness of God and give thanks. I am deeply grateful for each place and the circumstances that created each place. Creating space to pray before has also been part of the journey and then peace in my heart knowing what is “right” for me and my family.

The first few years, I stayed in our family home and most grateful to my ex-husband for that. My children were at high school and we both wanted them to have the stability of the family home. My mom also lived with us. The current circumstances changed, and a sale of the home had to happen. I had hoped to stay there for two more years, until my youngest had completed her schooling. We put the house on the market for six-months without a sale. Then one day an agent contacted me with a potential buyer. The agent had told him; I did not want to move. He asked me why. The next day we received a suggestion that felt like the first miracle. He had sold his home and signed up for two years as a “house father and mother” at one of the Universities. He said that he could only move in two years. He fell in love with our home. Could he buy at a slightly lower price, and I could live “rent free” and maintenance free for the next two years. We signed the deal, and I had a two-year contract to stay. I was able to use my share of the sale and put down a deposit on my future home and then had a tenant for those two years.

I lived in my beautiful townhouse for four years and was incredibly happy. My children still had a base but were creating their own wings and getting ready to fly the nest. We all have happy memories of this home. In January 2007, I turned fifty and both children have married and left the country. Earlier that year, my work situation also changed, and I was contemplating what my next chapter may look like. It did feel like a dark hole for a short while as I was experiencing “empty nest” and the loss of work I loved. Around July, my mom and I were out at Hartbeespoort Dam for a weekend and on the Sunday before returning to Johannesburg we went to have tea with one of my dearest friends who was the estate agent of a development called The Coves. I had never been there before. I was standing in her showroom, looking at a model of the development and said the following. “I feel God is telling me that I am going to come and live in this estate” My mother looked horrified. I came back the next week and she took me around the estate. I fell in love with one of the homes for sale and put in an offer subject to getting a bond. I decided that I would rent out my home in Johannesburg and move to the dam. If I did not like it, I still had my property in Johannesburg. I landed up selling my Johannesburg home years later to my tenant.

The Coves is the place I have stayed in the longest of all my homes. I lived there for thirteen years from 2007 to 2020. My grandchildren were all born between 2008 and 2012 and the holidays they spent with me at The Coves was like visiting a holiday destination. We all have such happy memories of this time. The longest I have ever stayed in one place. A real sanctuary for me.

The start of a new chapter and grappling with my work journey as a semi-nomad long before it became fashionable. From 2011 to 2015 I worked in Johannesburg three days a week and would spend nights with my mom and then rented a small cottage in a friend’s garden. In 2019, I decided I needed to move back to Johannesburg, as I was growing our new business and spending too much time on the dangerous Lanseria road. I put in an offer, subject to the sale of my home and it did not sell. God knew that staying in my beautiful country home would be ideal at the start of COVID. I am always grateful for those few months. A community that cared for each other, being able to support local farmers in buying their produce and creating time to be quiet and think about my next season.

I decided at that point that the next step would be to rent-not buy and live inside a Retirement community. The reason for this at age 63, was to experience if I was ready and to understand this market as it is a large decision that our clients make at 50plus-skills. I would have real life examples and better understanding of all the legal options. I am lucky to have long-term friends in the Cape and they suggested that I should try this experiment in the Cape. The world of work had also changed to my advantage as companies were now happy to have online meetings via Zoom or MS Teams, and it did not matter so much where this experiment took place. An offer for my home at full asking price came in August 2020. I was ready to take the next step.

I had no idea where I would stay, other than it was inside a retirement estate. One of my friends in the retirement homes sector lives in the Cape. I called him and asked him for the names of estates and stated my budget. I then made a statement at the end of the call. I had not planned to say this, but it came out of my mouth. “If you know of any Retirement Estate who may need my skills and services, which may create a good opportunity for me to stay as well.”  Three days later, he called me and said he had someone who wanted to chat about this. I moved into a beautiful estate and lived there for two and a half years, creating a wonderful Segway of learning for me and creating and using my skills for this organisation.

This cemented my love of The Cape and decided I wanted to stay. During this time, I had visited my oldest friend in years (we have been friends since the age of 2) at their holiday home in The Strand. They currently live in Texas but come out to South Africa each year for a five-to-six- weeks holiday. They have a beautiful apartment in a secure estate, overlooking the ocean. They currently rent it out when they are not in SA. I sent her a text message, asking if they would ever contemplate renting to me, if I exit for the weeks when they want to come on holiday. At the time they had tenants. The day after I asked, the tenant had let them know that they would no longer be needing the apartment. I moved here in 2023 and now in my third rental year. The apartment is furnished, but I have added some of my personal pieces and it feels like my own. My furniture is stored, in the basement and included in the rental. This is such a perfect win-win for us both and I thank God every day for this opportunity.

I know that this journey that I continue to walk is filled with peace and security. I sleep soundly at night. I have room for my friends and family to visit. I know I can live in a mansion or a small one-bedroom place. It does not matter. What matters is that I follow HIS plan as he has blessed me with more than I can ever imagine. I am forever grateful.

 

One night (plus 14) in Bangkok

 

I came to Bangkok for the first time in 1994. Thirty years back. It was an incentive trip with Smile Education. The country, people and the food captured a part of my heart.

Over the past 22 years, I have been to Thailand often as this is where my daughter, Bronwyn lives with her family.  Noiy and Bronwyn are both missionaries with YWAM. This year she and Noiy will be married for twenty years. In most cases, I have spent a night in Bangkok or bypassed it in the taxi to Ratchaburi where they lived. About two hours out of the city.

In mid-2024, the family moved to Bangkok. My granddaughter Naomi was granted a scholarship from a school here in the city. Daniel, my eldest grandchild, already has lived in Bangkok since 2018 on a soccer scholarship. He has been in boarding school with the other boys at the soccer academy.

The family now live in a two-bedroom apartment right next to the school property. I was able to find an Air BnB apartment in the same building. It has been wonderful to have personal space and not to crowd their small space. 

Bronwyn has been great in showing me around the area. It has been most beneficial for me walking many steps each day. The complex has lovely gardens, a pool, some garden creatures and retail shops. The 7/11 is a 5-minute walk and has everything one needs. There are also some street food vendors and small authentic Thai restaurants close by. It has been a joy to explore and navigate the local area and have a better idea of how they live.

I have always experienced Bangkok as a city that never sleeps, and the traffic is horrendous. Bronwyn can use the Skytrain and taxis to get to parts of the city. In their neighbourhood, she runs and uses her bicycle. It is safe for Omi to walk to school and even late in the evening if needed with school activities.

I love to observe when I travel. The Thai people are friendly, polite, and gentle. They are hard working and running a local business is available and open to all, young and old. It is wonderful to support the local eating houses. As we wait for our food to be made, I see motorbikes stop and collect food- Mr Delivery style. Technology is available everywhere and helps individuals to create awareness and sales. A great culture of entrepreneurship.

 

Thailand is one of the countries where South Africans can still feel that the Rand has value. A meal on the streets is less than R40. My apartment cost less than R5000 for 15 days. Fruit in season from the market is plentiful and yummy. The cost of a rental here is around R5000 per month. I am not anywhere near tourist areas.  I get to experience authentic Thailand. Such a blessing.

One afternoon we went to watch Daniel training after school. We left here at 16h30 and it took 45 minutes in the traffic. He only finished training at 20h00 and we then went to find a KFC to eat something, before taking him back to the boarding house. We arrived back home around 22h00. We only spent about 30 minutes with him. His schedule is tough. School and then training everyday till 20h00 and then back to eat and study with bed at ten, up again at six am to start the day again. Tough training to become a professional soccer player. The Thai school year ends in February. Daniel turns 17 in March and will then start his final school year in May.

It is almost time for me to pack my suitcases and go home. I have loved my time here. We have had quality time and played games many evenings. Bron and I have had time to have long chats over early morning coffee and rusks. I don’t need to spend time and money on tourist sites. My time is best spent with the family and building memories. I go home with my love tank full, knowing that they are exactly where God needs them to be. I will be back.

2024 reflections

 

It has been a busy year with valleys and mountain top moments. As we enter a new year, we do not know what lies ahead. I always pray and ask God to give me a bible verse for the year to guide me. This year, I have prayed often. My faith grounds me. His word is an anchor and a pathway to guide my steps. A reminder to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and direction. This brings peace, even during the storms of life.

I have joined a local church here in Somerset West and enjoying building new relationships and being able to serve others. I have now been here for four years, and it is feeling more like home.

For 2024 the verse is:

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path Psalm 119:105

My sister, Carol arrived for a short visit in January, and we were able to celebrate my birthday together. It was a busy ten days. Always tough when we live so far apart.

Those who follow me on Facebook, know that I post beautiful sunset pictures over the ocean from my apartment. I am blessed to live here. In creating an unusual rental agreement with my friends, we agreed that I exit when they come on holiday from the USA. This happened in Feb/March this year. Time to evaluate, living a nomad life for 5 weeks. It stretched me, kept my life quite simple and I was able to use what would have been the rental money to visit White River, Johannesburg, Hartbeespoort. Simons Town and Fishhoek. Grateful to my friends and family who created space for me in their lives and homes over this time.

During this time, while in Hartbeespoort area with my dear friend, Daphne, I received the news of the sudden death of one of my dearest friends. Jenny and I have been friends for more than 40-years. We met when our children were at nursery school. Jen is the one person, who has been around and lived close for all these years. Florida Glen, Northcliff, Hartbeespoort Dam and then Cape Town. We shared so much history. Jen had the most amazing sense of humour and always brought a smile to any conversation. Multi- talented and creative. Jen laid our gardens in my homes, created flowers and décor at special birthdays and was at the bedside of those we lost along the path of life. Mostly to cancer while our children were at Cliffview and Northcliff High. I regret so much, not being able to do the same for Jen.

My family have also had interesting changes in their lives. Both the Thai and UK families have moved homes this year. I look forward to visiting in these new places when I travel. Bron, Noiy and family had a holiday in South Korea and then moved to Bangkok in July. Naomi was awarded a scholarship at the International Community School of Bangkok. They live close to the school and have adapted to apartment living in the city. It is wonderful for Daniel too as they now can watch more matches, and it is easier for him to be home when not training. Bronwyn turned forty-two this year and was determined to complete her first 42km marathon before her birthday. It is wonderful to see her being able to run again.

Justin, Sarah, and the girls came to visit me here in Cape Town in October. How wonderful to share quality time with them. The girls will be turning thirteen at the end of Feb 2025 and are now thriving in their second year of high school. The new house offers them more space, better proximity to the school and not too far away from where they were before. Their season in Pyrford was a happy one. I hope to visit in 2025.

                                                                                         

At 50Plus-Skills, we talk about learning, serving, and earning. Last year with the GROW ECD project, it turned out to be a better earning year. This year, the gift was LEARNING. It started out with a mail early in the year, letting me know that I had been short listed by Ashoka for a fellowship. https://www.ashoka.org/en-za. This organisation highlights and collaborates with social entrepreneurs all around the world and it is a great honour to be nominated. It was a lengthy process of creating all the documents and then I had to go up to Johannesburg for a series of interviews. It is divided into two sections. In the first section, I had a four-hour one-on-one interview from an Ashoka person, who flew in from the US to do the interview. If they feel you have enough impact already in your model, you go through to the next round with three judges. The first interviewer felt that our model still needed more work, and I then exited and may be invited back in the future.

The second nomination came a little later in the year from one of our 50Plus-Skills members, Rene Vosloo, who nominated me for Businesswoman of the Year for the South African Council of Businesswoman. I was humbled by this nomination and attended the finals in October. In the finals, the person from Nelspruit was announced as the winner. I hope that through this organisation we will be able to grow and connect with more members for our organisation.

The third part of my learning journey happened through The Bertha Centre of Social Entrepreneurship. I was accepted into a program called The Healthy Futures Accelerator. This was a steep learning curve. Seventeen modules of business science and ten assignments in five weeks. I then made it through to the next phase which was twelve weeks of lectures from UCT Business School, twice a week and a final pitch in early December in front of a panel of judges. I am still in a state of shock as we were awarded second prize with grant funding of R 200 000 from the Mastercard Foundation in Canada. This allows us extra funding to grow our business in 2025 and beyond. I am grateful to my team and every person who has invested in being a member of our community. Why not join us: https://50plus-skills.co.za/individuals/

Frank and Marina have had a busy second half of 2024. They purchased a home in Fishhoek and moved in early October. The move happened between the birth of their first two grandsons and the wedding of the third triplet in December. It was a privilege to officiate the wedding for Al and Sharike. It has been so wonderful to welcome two new babies into the family with a third following in early January 2025 in Ireland. (John’s daughter, Jessica) This adds three new great grandchildren for Granny Dot. How she would have loved to see all her grandchildren thriving and now becoming parents. The gap is twelve and a half years since the twins were born. I am delighted to be the great Aunt to these beautiful new babies.

I have enjoyed visits from several friends throughout the year. It is wonderful to live on the beach and have the room to enjoy time with friends. This is also the 50^th anniversary of leaving Pretoria High School for Girls. A group of us could not make it to Pretoria, so we met at The Vineyard for a celebration.

As the year ends, I am so grateful for good health, wonderful family, and precious friends. My work offers me a new tribe of people with wonderful growth mindsets, a place of belonging and purpose. These are intangible assets that create a solid foundation built on my foundations of faith.

I wish you God’s richest blessings over the Christmas week. I am excited to be leaving on a jet plane for Bangkok as we welcome in the New Year. Thank you for reading my blog post and being a blessing in my life this year.

 

Building a new health habit

 

 I loved sport at school. Life as an adult had sport low down on the value scale. When there was time to walk, or exercise, it felt like a steep uphill battle, mentally for me and nine out of ten times, I would find an excuse.

In my early sixty’s, I attempted joining a Pilates class with our resident Physio at The Coves. Watching the young, fit women enjoying the movements, I felt embarrassed and lacked confidence. One discovers that getting up and down is not that easy anymore. I eventually approached another physio and asked if we could start a Pilates class for the older generation. This turned out to be a win. We met twice a week and enjoyed the classes. It was manageable and beneficial. The social engagement was also a key win. Sadly, when I moved to the Cape, my classes ended, and I fell back into my previous rut.

Last year I was struggling with shoulder pain and reduced movement in my right arm. The day-to-day challenges made me realize that if I did not do something about it, I would be in constant pain and spending thousands of rands on physiotherapy. My sister-in-law, who had a shoulder op, was doing daily water therapy at the local Virgin Active. She invited me to join her. I was reluctant to go as I felt self-conscious in my costume. With encouragement, I eventually went.

After about a month, I joined one of the aqua aerobics classes and loved it. It felt like I had found an exercise class that could work for me. I have built a consistent habit over the last six months of going at least twice a week. I have been amazed at the age range in the pool. Some of the people seem to have had a mild stroke, walk with a stick and others in all shapes and sizes in  their fifties to eighties happily enjoying the class together. The self-consciousness has gone, and my body is so much stronger. I have no more shoulder or arm pain and my flexibility has improved. I have met people through the sessions as well.

Late last year, I interviewed Dr Melodie de Jager, for our podcast called Red Wine and Blue Jeans. Melodie shared as we chatted about her research on the mature brain. She shared that for the brain to remain active we need the input of our senses and the output of movement. You can listen to the conversation here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1702777/14023723-in-conversation-with-dr-melodie-de-jager

As I did the class, after this interview, I realized that aqua aerobics is a wonderful opportunity to keep the brain active. We are using our senses of hearing and touch and the output of movement of all parts of our body. The music also creates “happiness” for me. The instructors are amazing and making such a difference for each of us in the water. I look forward to these sessions and have at last found something that I love

The gym can be a scary place for a person like me. It is easier to go with a friend and I am grateful for the encouragement. There is so much opportunity for any gym to create these special spaces for those of us who need to improve our health and engage with others in a social environment. It is never too late to improve our health.

I want to live, healthier for longer and grateful that I am now on that path. We need to find ways to duplicate this for others. Invite a friend. Be courageous. Just do it.

 

My nomadic journey-2024

 

This is the definition of a nomad from the dictionary.

A person who has no fixed residence but moves from place to place, usually seasonally or within a well-defined territory.

I have never been a nomad before. I was looking forward to creating and mapping out a journey for myself. I wanted to understand this way of life and I was gifted with such an opportunity as part of my current rental agreement.

I rent a beautiful apartment from friends who live in the USA. They visit one a year. I suggested a creative rental agreement, that includes me living in their furnished apartment.  My furniture is stored on the property in a basement locker. I moved with my clothes, some personal furnishings and the rest belongs in the unit. This makes it easy for me to vacate for a few weeks, when needed. It also has given me the opportunity to create my own personal nomadic journey.

 

I vacated the apartment for 5 weeks and 3 days. I did some BIG PICTURE planning, but there were some gaps where I was not sure where I would be staying. I wanted to document my journey, experiment, and put myself outside of my comfort zone. I did not want to spend more than what my rental costs would have been as part of this process. My work allows me to be anywhere, and this has been a conscious choice for this season of life.

In a book called The 100-year life by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott, they share that in most cases, our intangible assets are more important than our tangible assets. The intangibles include health, relationships, and transformational skills. I certainly can testify to this.

A combination of a plan with some gaps, can make one feel unsettled, but I saw it more as an act of faith, an adventure and that these gaps would be filled with interesting people and places. When we are inflexible and everything is planned and set in stone, we miss out on the “unexpected”. I wanted to experiment and remain curious.

My journey took me from Cape Town to White River, Johannesburg, Hartbeespoort Dam, Somerset West, Simonstown, Fishhoek and back to Somerset West. I was able to stay with family and friends for most of the time. I found a gem, Airbnb, through a friend without asking. (one of the gems of the trip) I managed to see several people in each of the places I stayed and had the opportunity to have some long, deep conversations. It felt like a holiday, and I was also incredibly spoilt.

Packing for many places and spaces is not easy. I decided to travel light but have clothes for all seasons. I do not have the gift of being a good packer, but I can say that on this trip, I managed the process well. Living simply and with less, has me questioning all the other clothes left behind. We all have way too much and as I move back I will be reducing my wardrobe and giving away things I have kept, but never wear.

I was able to rest, go to aqua aerobics at Virgin Gyms in a few venues and do some walks in the beautiful environments I stayed in. I ate too well. I visited some tourists’ sites and ate in places that brought back wonderful old memories.

I am a natural introvert and need time alone to re-energise. I had some alone time in most places, and this gave me the balance I needed.

New places can create sparks of creativity and thinking differently. We are never too old to learn something new, or to be surprised by seeing the world in a different way.

I lost my dear friend Jenny whilst on this journey but was with Daphne when I received the news. We were able to spend time talking about our very special friendship and grieve together.  A friendship of more than 40 years and we lived in the same places. Florida Glen, Hartbeespoort Dam and Cape Town. Life is not guaranteed. Live each day to the full.  Do not put off that visit. Make that call.

There were some fun surprises along the journey.  My intangible asset of friends and family are without a doubt my strongest asset. I am so grateful to every person who created and made this journey special for me. I appreciate each of you.

I had contemplated finding a short-term rental in one place for the 5 weeks. I am so glad I did not do that. I would have missed out on the rich tapestry of memories that I now have. I travelled, connected, made memories, did some work, remained curious, experimented, and pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. The value of this combination of ingredients is priceless.